Grief

“To weep is to make less the depth of grief.” – William Shakespeare

God often surprises us on our healing journey. Have you ever had God speak a word so unexpected that it stopped you in your tracks?

In 2022, while attending a Discipleship Training School in New Zealand, I had a prophetic word about future inner healing given to me by a Bible speaker in Australia. Paul Richards did not know anything about my early childhood rejection and the resulting effects that I had struggled to overcome. Nor did I know what God had in store for me. I falsely believed that I didn’t need any more inner healing until God spoke to me through this prophetic word.

It happened on Paul’s last evening with our school. He had wanted to pray for each one of us. We all gathered in the dining room expectantly. The air in the dining room felt heavier with each prayer, as though the very presence of God was pressing closer, and my heart beat faster under the weight of it.

After Paul prayed for a few of my classmates, he stared at me and said, “You’re next.” My stomach tingled. A jittery pulse thudded in my throat, making it hard to swallow. He laid his hand on my shoulder and prayed. Part of what he said surprised me:

“... God wants to lead that little girl home. He’s committed to that little girl. I release over Liz your hand and your joy—that God, you will go right back to when she was a little girl and you will heal her in every area. I pray that you take that loneliness, abandonment, and wandering from her. I release home in your spirit—home with the Lord—to belong, to belong with Jesus, to dance with Jesus ...”

After I grew close to God in my mid-twenties, He healed a lot of inner wounds. I attended counseling on a regular basis for a year and grew both emotionally and spiritually. Reflecting on my adulthood, I knew it had been turbulent, but I didn’t comprehend how the leftover residue of the rejection still affected my ability to connect with God.

Maybe you’ve also had a moment where God’s voice cut through the noise of your life. Do you remember how it felt? This prophetic word caused me to look deeper into the nature of grief—not just as an emotional state, but as a biblical process God uses to heal.

John James and Frank Cherry, co-founders of the Grief Recovery Institute, propose in The Grief Recovery Handbook, that if there is any pain when thinking of a memory, you have not been fully healed and it is affecting your happiness. If, on the other hand, you can remember past events and it no longer causes you pain, you have successfully gone through the grieving process.

Grief is an expression of emotions over a loss. It can be any loss. Some of the emotions one may feel can be shock, anger, disbelief, fear, or sadness. There are also physical symptoms such as insomnia, nausea or aches and pains, all symptoms I’ve experienced over the years. Have you experienced any of these symptoms?

Like glass, grief can be an insulator. It is important that we grieve instead of ignoring or stifling one’s natural feelings toward loss because our body, soul, and spirit are all intricately affected when we don’t release the pain. By grieving, we lessen the effect of the glass’s ability to insulate.

If you can remember past events and it no longer causes you pain, you have successfully gone through the grieving process. - John James and Frank Cherry

I thought of my mother and the knowledge of her not loving me still cut deep. I knew I needed to grieve, or forever be crippled with the effects of her rejection, including not embracing the depths of God’s love. King Solomon declared that there is a time and a season for everything under the heavens. He wrote, “there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). I knew it was my time to weep. I needed to allow myself to mourn my loss.

Today the grief started. I cried for the scared little girl, for her sadness, and fear. I cried for her lost childhood, her lost dreams, and her non-existent hope. I cried for the lost bond with her mother and the lonely chasm between her and God. In rhythmic waves, I let the sorrow come and go, rising and retreating, aware of the washing away of the pain.

We all face moments where grief feels too heavy to carry—but Scripture reminds us that we have a Saviour who will carry us through our pain. The prophet Isaiah spoke about the coming Messiah, Jesus, in chapter 61. Isaiah declares in verses 1-3 that Jesus has been sent to bind up the brokenhearted and comfort all who mourn. Jesus will bestow on us, “...a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”

Jesus grieved more than once. Imagine Jesus standing at the tomb of Lazarus, tears streaming down His face—that same compassion is for you in your grief. When his friend Lazarus passed away, Jesus wept for him and his hurting loved ones (John 11:35). Jesus mourned. He grieved. He understands our pain.

As I began to grieve, I also sought wisdom on how to walk through it well. God led me to the website HelpGuide.org. In the online article, Coping with Grief and Loss, authors Melinda Smith, Lawrence Robinson, and Jeanne Segal, all mental health writers and advocates, list six steps we can take to help us through the process of grieving.

Think about where you are in your own grief process. Are you resisting it or letting God meet you there? Follow these six steps with me.

1. Acknowledge your pain. When I finally realized that I still felt pain from rejection, my healing process began. What loss or wound is God asking you to finally name today?

2. Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions. As I took God’s hand and began this healing process, He took me through emotions I thought had been mended long ago. Are you experiencing a mixture of emotions?

3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you. Grief has no timeline. My grieving process will not follow the same route as yours. Allow your season of grief to be however long it needs to be, even if there are multiple seasons.

4. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you. While I’m going through this process I am surrounded by encouraging and caring friends. Do you have someone you can talk to?

5. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically. I have been eating nourishing foods, stretching daily, swimming and deep breathing. What are your favorite things to do?

6. Recognize the difference between grief and depression. As I’m still on my medication for depression, I can recognize these new feelings as grief. If you are unsure, please seek medical advice.

In my mid-twenties, a guest speaker at our church gave me a prophetic word. She saw me dancing with joy before the Lord. Joy? Dancing? Me? I scoffed, like Abraham’s wife, Sarah. The dark heaviness that crushed me into the ground during my life did not allow for such thoughts. Still, a sliver of a seed planted itself.

Many prophetic words have come and gone, lost to my memory, but not this one. Something in me desperately clung to the possibility. Maybe one day, I secretly dared to dream.

Paul's prophetic word echoed the one I heard decades earlier. I needed to dance, to release the grief and embrace the fullness of my future, so that I could open my arms wide to the beautiful future God has in store for me. Just like King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes—there is a time and season for everything. I had my time of weeping. Now was my time to dance.

I purposefully sought out a private stretch of beach where the horizon seemed endless. The sand warmed my bare feet, shifting softly with every step. Salt-laced air filled my lungs as I breathed deep. The hum of the waves became an inner drumbeat. The sun, still high enough to cast a golden glow, painted the water in molten light.

When the worship song started to play from my phone nestled on my towel a few feet away, I slowly lifted my head to the heavens. I turned in a slow circle, letting my arms swing through the air, the wind caressing my face. I moved tentatively at first, then with a growing confidence—I leapt, twirled, moved to freedom.

As the song played, I danced, letting it all go. The emotional chains broke. The release streamed from my eyes and the weight of the grief lifted and swept away with the breeze. In that moment, I was not just moving my body—I was stepping into freedom.

What would your victory dance look like? It doesn’t have to be literal—it could be a step of bold faith, a conversation you’ve been avoiding, or finally letting go. Choosing to grieve and hold onto the hope only God can give is liberating. Jesus is our Comforter. He is there for us whenever we need to mourn.

Prayer:

Father, please comfort me in this time of mourning. Thank you for your great love and your faithfulness to never leave my side. As I grieve, make your presence known to me so I may sense your peace. Be my strength as I am weak. Shine your light onto my dark path and lead me out of this sorrow and back to joy. Please turn my mourning into dancing! Take my hand and stay with me, however long it takes, as I work through this time of grieving.

Application:

Actively let go of your pain. You can do this in a number of different ways—through music, dancing, art, words, etc. Choose something that is memorable and significant to you. Then, when you are ready, picture yourself in front of Jesus, and allow Him to crown you with a crown of beauty and freedom. Embrace His peace.

Journal prompt:

How do you grieve? Write down the ways that you grieve so that you will recognize your grieving process in the future. Journal the outcome of your application.

Thank you for reading. If you’d like to support my writing

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To read more about healing from early childhood rejection in this series,

click on the links:

Introduction, Distrust, Worthlessness, Loneliness, Depression,

Hopelessness, Anxiety, Fear, and Anger

Endnotes:

Quote: William Shakespeare, Henry VI, Parts I, II and III (Signet Classics; Revised and Updated edition, 1986)

1. Paul Richards, Speaker at YWAM Nelson, NZ, September 16, 2022

2. John James and Frank Cherry, The Grief Recovery Handbook. (Harper and Row Publishers, 1986)

3. Melinda Smith, Lawrence Robinson, and Jeanne Segal, “Coping with Grief and Loss,” HelpGuide.org, accessed May 13, 2022, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm